BEING YOURSELF SUCKS…
That’s what I used to believe. Seriously. I went through MANY years convinced that my personality was from hell. I thought I had just gotten super unlucky, had lost the game of “winning personality” and I felt at a loss of what to do about it. If this was “me” then what was the point in even trying, when who I was sucked SO bad.
Here’s the personality that I thought was from the devil:
I was shy.
I was quiet.
I was insecure.
I had low self esteem.
I was passive aggressive from fear of being rejected or unaccepted.
I was depressed.
I was angry.
I didn’t love social outings.
I didn’t talk about the same things as the people around me.
And of course the list goes on, but for now, there’s a huge part of why I thought my personality sucked.
But what I did NOT know is that I had the power to change every single one of those qualities if I wanted to. I didn’t have to just accept defeat and believe that who I was just happened to be a glitch. They don’t teach you that life isn’t just happening to you. You are happening to life.
Every thought and decision that you have brings you to whatever result you are currently living. And I hated the result of my life at that point. So, I started making new decisions.
I decided that I was okay with liking different things than the people around me. I haven’t ever felt too much pressure to follow the crowd, so that one stayed, but the rest of them…I was ready to say goodbye and lean into a new version of Sarah.
Loves being around people.
Is the first one to say hello to people.
Is confident MOST of the time.
Has high self esteem.
Isn’t passive aggressive or worried about being rejected.
Is NOT depressed.
Is NOT angry.
Loves social outings.
We are literally taught that you are who you are; that people don’t change. That you can’t just become someone different from the person you have always been. But I cry wolf! Because I have become someone entirely different than the person I once was and this new version of myself is here to stay. I’m STILL Sarah…yes. I still love so much of the same stuff. The difference is that I take VERY different actions and have VERY different thoughts from the old version of me. And in that way, I am a different person. Like, Sarah 2.0. No longer covered in the dust of self neglect…shiny and new and well cared for. And I broke the cycle.
This starts with you. If you want to change the way that you are living, it starts with you. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility. It’s YOUR responsibility, one thought at a time. And maybe it feels like it’s impossible or unattainable, but it’s not. I came from the very bottom and was able to rise up from this work. You can too.