“Did we just fall in love?”
This is one of my all time favorite statements. Falling in love is exciting, new, adventurous and dazzlingly dangerous.
There’s vulnerability and courage swirled into one as two people question whether or not they truly are compatible. Maybe even whether or not they are soul mates.
But behind this seemingly innocent phrase is a much more dangerous meaning that has left marriage after marriage ending in divorce, resentment, and the question of, “How was I so wrong about you?”
The thought of “falling in love” creates space for the opposite conclusion of “falling out of love”.
So how do we create a middle ground? A space for staying in love and staying married?
We have to stop believing the lie that love is out of our control.
There, I said it.
You really do get to choose who you fall in love with, even when you think you aren’t actively choosing and that it is somehow just happening to you. The action of falling in love specifically has to do with the thoughts you have created around the person of interest. Thoughts like, “this person is so funny!” Or “this person is so kind!”. These thoughts create attraction and the feeling of love and therefore create a sense of belonging with another person. When those thoughts turn into something less positive and less love-centered, the in lovephenomenon disappears; oftentimes rapidly.
Your marriage isn’t failing because you fell out of love.
Your marriage is failing because you are basing it on feelings instead of on thoughts.
The quickest way to drown a marriage is to believe that your feelings are a factual experience. Feelings are fleeting and can change in a matter of seconds.
So the next time you ask yourself, “Am I just not in love anymore?” Remember that being in love comes from the thoughts you have about your partner. Feelings don’t appear out of thin air. We literally create them.
What thoughts can you think today about your spouse that will remind you of how amazing they are?
P.S. Want more of this every single day? Head on over to my facebook group and click join (Marriage Coaching For The Fearless Couple). I’ll let you in.
P.P.S. Want even more of this but instead customized to your specific marriage goals? Hit reply and I’ll schedule you in for a free 45-60 minute consult call with me where we I’ll tell you what specific problem I see coming up in your marriage, how to start working on it, and then invite you into the option of working one-on-one with me to create a marriage you feel great about.